I Think It’s Official. I Hate

my therapist. Or clinician. Whatever you want to call her.

I was supposed to have an appointment on Thursday with her. It didn’t happen.

I take a medicine for my diabetes that sometimes causes problems with my lower digestion tract. I’ll leave it at that, but I think you get the picture.

It doesn’t happen everyday. But sometimes it hits me hard. That happened Thursday.

I ended up being late to my appointment because of this. I thought I was only going to be late by 10 minutes at the most. It ended up I was 15 minutes late.

I’ve been having a hard time lately, and I thought she would at least see me for a half hour session.

Not the case.

First she made me wait 10 minutes before she came out to get me. Okay. Just a little bit of passive-aggressive behavior on her part.

When she got me back to her office she just flat out said that she was going to reschedule me.

No hi, how ya doing? Is everything okay? Nothing.

I explained to her what happened, why I was late.

It didn’t matter to her. She rescheduled me for over 3 weeks out.

I pleaded with her to see me for a half hour session.

She kept saying no. The reason she gave me was that she had planned an activity that would last an hour. She also said that people who have half hour sessions are only scheduled when an activity that lasts only a half hour is scheduled. (She has only once in the last year or so EVER scheduled anything with me. Usually it’s just talk about what’s going on in my life).

I asked her if there was any flexibility in her planning.

Nope. Not at all.

In fact, she dropped her pen, let her hand fall into her lap, gave an exaggerated sigh and said, in exasperated voice, No, Melissa, there isn’t.

I told her that I didn’t appreciate her demeanor while telling me this. I told her I felt she was being very unprofessional.

One of the things I work on is perceiving the world correctly. Sometimes I read into things more than what they are. Not the case here.

She does shit like that to me all the time. When I call her on it, she says in a completely over-sickeningly sweet voice that she is sorry I am perceiving her that way, but that’s not what she intended.

Like I’m so goddamn fucked up I can’t tell that she’s screwing with me.

What the fuck ever, bitch.

I’m sick of it.

Long ago I asked her if I could speak to her supervisor about switching to a new clinician. I told her I felt we didn’t quite click and that I really didn’t feel comfortable with her. On a side note, one day she let me sit the whole hour with salad dressing on my face. Funny now, but who would do that?

She told me that there would be a next to zero chance of me being able to switch to a different clinician. She said it was just something that they did not do, unless there was an extremely MAJOR problem. She said I could try, but that I’d be wasting my time, because it just wouldn’t happen.

So I let it go. And kept seeing her for the last few months. I think I talked about one of my last appointments on here. The one where she made me feel like shit because I didn’t call to reschedule my son’s appointment.

I called her supervisor after Thursday’s incident and explained everything to him.

One of the things I mentioned was not speaking to a supervisor earlier because my clinician told me there was pretty much no chance I would be able to switch to someone else.

Her supervisor told me that that was certainly NOT TRUE.

What I don’t get is why she wouldn’t let me see if I could switch earlier?

Was she afraid that it would look bad on her?

Or did she think she would get in trouble?

Did she think she was so fucking amazing that she could fix what was unfixable with our client/provider relationship?

I just don’t get it.

I’m done with her though.

Completely.

I told her supervisor that I would not have any appointments with her. Either they switched me, or I would suffer on my own.

I don’t need her to make me feel worse than I already do.

I am proud that I took a leap and used the phone to contact the supervisor to stand up for myself.

Wooo Hooo!!